Irony
by Her Name Is Erika
Summary: Billy just wants to sleep with Victoria's scarf around his neck. Victoria wants to forget being so amused by Billy's boxers, it makes her laugh. It's absolutely nothing. BillyVictoria.


It's like rain on your wedding day  
It's a free ride when you've already paid  
It's the good advice that you just didn't take  
Who would've thought... it figures

- _Ironic_, Alanis Morisette

**.**

It's six minutes into twenty-ten and Billy Abbott is sort of tripping

(half from being screwed with and from drinking screwdrivers and scotch.)

The snow globe slips from his drunken grasp and crashes into little pieces and Daddy's so very, very sorry. Maybe John's _presentation_ of the future is real or the product of being high on part scotch and attention (oh, they k n o w Billy Abbott so well) but the snow gently falls delicately all around him.

Billy's mouth sort of tastes like tequila and bile but John totally fucks with his head from beyond the grave and that's just _low_.

His head hurts, pounding and pulsating. And this mysterious light is frying his retinas but godamnit, he's going to love Dee Dee and just be there. Billy's going to be the one who puts meetings on hold at Restless Style to go to dance recitals. Sure, Restless Style will be great and he will build an empire so far from Jack and Jabot (because there's _always_ **something** to prove) but at the end of the day, he will try his damndest to dance with Delia at his kid's wedding and do the Electric Slide (some Funky Chicken at the reception) because the Waltz is way too easy and safe.

Good Old Nephew is gonna have to fall back and watch how it's really done.

"Oh, Dee Dee," Billy whispers to the still-shattered snow globe like it actually has ears and gives a damn. It looks prettier than he does, "I broke it—Daddy's gonna be there. Daddy's gonna fix it."

**.**

"Are you okay?"

Yeah. He's awesome. He's freaking awesome and Victoria should really go back to her Ranch.

(No.)

And then Billy allows himself to be pulled up off a cold, hard curb just a few minutes into twenty ten by the daughter of Mister Mumbles.

"I don't know."

She sighs and holds on to him (Dad, stop it—_cool it with the alternate realities_), leading him to her car. It's like Princess Newman almost gives a flying fuck what happens to him.

"Come on. Let's get you home."

Billy must be tripped out (maybe, even a little scared straight) because he's following her but he doesn't like this whole Thing, whatever It is.

The Newmans are evil and Victor took CeCe (and he needs to put that _good heart_ back)

**.**

(Here's something you already know: Billy's a l i t t l e buzzed because Victoria hates his handsome self and the princess isn't supposed to leave the pretty grand, fortified castle lest Colleen's heart burst out King Mumbles' chest. Well, Billy's not too crazy about Victoria either so there.)

**.**

Victoria's driving him home and her logic calls her crazy and her dad frowns deeply at her.

At least in her head anyway.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you care," Billy slurs slightly in the passenger seat, "deep down."

Victoria can't look at the man who exposes the affair with Deacon Sharpe yet – okay, it's not supposed to happen in the first place but there's too much pressure and suffocating tension when she goes to a place that doesn't feel like home anymore. Reed is starting to be perceptive and feel the fighting and forced civility from Mommy and Daddy (she loves her little boy so much). Dubai is supposed to fix things and get them back to where they are (socompletelyinlove) – but Billy wields _Restless Style_ like a weapon and just damages everything.

She glances at him in disdain, "You're a mess, Billy. And that's all you are."

Then again, no one puts a gun to her freaking head and makes her sleep with Deacon and have Frustrated, Non-Sentimental Sex with him (just the p r e s s u r e at her marriage already being shot to the hottest part of Hell – that's all.)

"Hey. Just because I wrote the truth, doesn't mean you should get all snippy."

"What you see as truth I see as journalistic garbage," Victoria argues back.

"Eh," Billy counters lazily and rests on the seat's headrest. "You say slander, I say reality. We'll agree to disagree there."

See, John—already making progress by shoving that really awesomely Abbott comeback away because Billy doesn't want to die in a sudden DUI, be invisible and have Cordelia hate him for the rest of her life.

"Comes with the territory," she muses, mostly to herself.

Victoria continues to drive until the car stops at Billy's trailer.

Yeah, Victoria's angry with Billy but it's New Year's and tonight Billy reeks of Strong Alcohol and Lost Puppy, sitting outside of Jimmy's like that.

It's Billy _freaking_ Abbott for God's sake.

But in retrospect, the sight of the smug asshole is borderline sad and even she – and god, she's totally entitled to and Dad tells her she definitely _should_ – cannot turn away.

**.**

(Here's something you shouldn't know period: in a twisted way, Victoria can admit beneath her anger, disgust, and loathing for this man that he is as close to what can be defined as company – if that makes any sense at all

No, it doesn't. Maybe. Perhaps.

No, Victoria still hates him. End of story. Discussion closed.)

**.**

It's ironic really.

(But Billy just wants to sleep with Victoria's scarf around his neck and Victoria wants to forget being so amused by Billy's boxers, it makes her laugh.

It's absolutely nothing.)

* * *

**A/N: It's been a while since I wrote ANYTHING—my muse just decided to take a vacation without telling me. But it's done and this is set after that epic New Year's episode. They're in snippets and I added my own dialogue between perspectives just because. **

**I hope I got them in character enough. Review, please? Anonymous ones are also accepted. **

**I feel like I should have done better but I tried. It's my second time writing for Y&R in about a year so forgive me for the suckage. My muse has started to re-appear so I'll be on top of my game and suddenly feel the need to write a Phyllis/Nick/Sharon oneshot. And I'm working on something Colleen centered so hang tight. **

**It's been a little difficult putting them up because the site is acting stupid. It's like as soon as it's up, the link disappears and it's like I never put it up at all. **

**Sigh. I give up. If you want to review, fine. If you don't, great. I'm just frustrated that the site is acting up like this. Fanfiction, step your game up! **

**-Erika**


End file.
